Crossroads

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Written on 6:35 PM by DRV

I know, I've lacked a real update in quite a while. It's been a combination of both being busy and just flat out laziness. I've been taking hours at H&M all summer, simply continuing to save money. Of course, with school tuition to pay for, and then little things like video games and clothes--it's quite hard to save.

But I have now stopped spending so much on food. I bring my own lunch to work every day, and that's really helping me relieve some of my funding.

When I get home, I'm just really tired. The only things I really have energy for involve sitting down, or some sort of screen. Basically, I've been gaming hard with Final Fantasy X, and just spending the rest of my time online, doing random things--heh, OMGPOP and Twitter, to be quite frank.

There's just no energy. I know I said I'd be working out all summer, but it's turn into a weekly thing. I work so much there's just no time. Of course, that's what people always say, but nothing motivates me.

Every day I wake up when I don't have work, staying home. My main circle of friends have their own engagements. One works, two go to summer school, and the other one is someone who stays home and wants to do nothing but that. There's really nothing that excites me, and when they do want to have a night out, it's usually just to eat... either that, or it's during a time when I'm busy.

I've always prided myself on being a busybody, but now even I'm starting to question the things I do. I'm the Internship Coordinator of Akbayan Pilipino-American Organization of San Jose State University, but other than the fact that I want to give back to the organization, should I really be doing that? I'm a Part-Time Sales Associate at H&M, but do I want to stay in fashion retail? I'm an Associate Editor at Gamer 2.0, but the site has been down for a couple months due to a series of events out of my control--why should I care? I'm a journalism student at San Jose State, but do I really want to write for the rest of my life? I'm a Junior Performing Artist for the Hiyas Philippine Folk Dance Company--but after three years, I still haven't been recruited to the core group, so why do I still bother?

I'm half-way into my college career, and barring any drastic changes, I'll be graduating soon and heading out in the real world. At this point, it's hard to tell where I see myself within the next five years simply because I'm doing too much stuff.

But if I wasn't doing all this, I'd feel unfulfilled.

I don't know what's up. Maybe it's because I've either been cooped up in this damn house for so long or just because I'm overworked, but honestly -- I feel totally behind in life.

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