Written on 11:40 PM by DRV
BLOGGER'S DISCLAIMER
You might remember back to when the summer just started. I was quite rebellious and furious at my dad because of the way he viewed Mabuhay. "You're just wasting your time, dancing and dancing," he said. I still feel badly. Mabuhay was much more than just dancing. It was my outlet. It was my home away from home. I still consider it my home away from home. Well, that's probably Akbayan now, but still.
We're passed that now. My dad seems to have found his comfort zone with me. We don't seem to be having any problems. He has his job, and I come home before he comes home. It's all good. But I look at the way things currently are in my life and with my friends, and my mind is tired of being here.
One of the key reasons I chose to go to San Jose State was because Santa Clara University rejected me. But looking back, I didn't apply to any UC's. Why? Because I'm not into lecture halls with over 200 students in the classroom. I still am not into those, but I'd much rather be away from home than being where I currently am.
I don't think I'm the only one either. I look at my best friend. He was the President of Mabuhay, so naturally, you'd assume that he joined Akbayan with me, right? Nope, he didn't. Instead, he's a pre-nursing major. As you'd expect, he's one of those people majoring in a subject he really does not want to major in. The guy is artistic, but he's letting his parents dictate what he will be doing in the future. On top of that, he chose SJSU when there were plenty of other schools to go to. Like me, he didn't apply to any UC's either.
Then there's his girlfriend, who is just as smart as he is. Same major. Same school. She was the secretary of Mabuhay, and the best dancer. This girl had the grades to go to any school she applied to, but she chose San Jose State because that's where her mother wanted her to go. She wanted her to stay home. And that's exactly what she does. I don't even hang out with her anymore, because she's not allowed to leave the house. Come on. She's 18. She actually has a CAR--something even I don't have, despite having my license for almost four years now.
I also look at my neighbor who is still attending high school as a junior. She's extremely stressed out because she doesn't think she'll make into Berkeley... or UCLA... or Stanford. Some dream school that her parents expect her to get into. She wants to be like two of my other friends who got into Berkeley and UCLA. But they had a lot of extracurriculars. My neighbor just has church and a year on the cabinet of Mabuhay. But now she's MIA in that club because her dad doesn't support it.
So there's my dad, who hated everything about Mabuhay.
There's my best friend's mom, who won't let his son join Akbayan.
There's my best friend's girlfriend, who isn't allowed to do anything.
There's my neighbor, stressing to fulfill her parents' wishes, and when she does--she'll leave San Jose, and perhaps enjoy what the lack of parents have to offer her.
I went to San Jose State because all my friends go there. But looking at who my friends are today, I probably shouldn't have made this decision. These people are taking a minimum amount of units, and even with that extremely easy and manageable load--they stay home. Why? Their parents. I stayed here because of my parents too.
Eventually everybody has to let go. If our parents want us to succeed, they'll have to let us go. They look down on us because we disappoint them in every way possible. But even through disappointment, they keep us here to suffer.
This is something I seek to understand, but I don't think I ever will.
- DRV
disclaimer
Written on 3:07 AM by DRV
The man responsible for my passion for football isn't gonna play anymore.
Brett Favre, the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers for the last 16 years, informed Head Coach Mike McCarthy about his decision to retire last Monday Night.
I got the news the following morning as I was checking my e-mail before math class. I couldn't believe it. After a 13-3 season that got us literally a breath away from the Super Bowl, it seemed almost certain Brett would come back for at least one more season.
The pieces seemed to be in place. Favre was the runner-up in MVP voting and was named NFC Offensive Player of the Year, having his best season in nearly a decade throwing for over 4,000 yards and 28 touchdowns. The Packers have found an answer at running back with Ryan Grant, the offensive line continues to steadily improve, and the Packers arguably have the best receiving corps in the NFL with Donald Driver, Greg Jennings, James Jones, Koren Robinson, and Ruvell Martin.
The 2008 Packers would be a sure-fire Super Bowl contender with Favre under center. Now, the Packers go into the 2008 NFL Draft uncertain of what this next year holds.
I'm not saying I don't like Aaron Rodgers. I was going insane when we drafted him in 2005. Rodgers is going to be a great quarterback, but he's no Brett Favre.
The end of Brett Favre marks the end of an era. In Favre's prime, there was no lack in great franchise quarterbacks. The Packers had Brett Favre, the Cowboys had Troy Aikman, the San Francisco 49ers had Steve Young, the Denver Broncos had John Elway, the Seattle Seahawks had Warren Moon, and the Miami Dolphins had Dan Marino. All these great players, with the exception of Moon and Marino, led their respective teams to the Super Bowl in the best fashion possible.
Favre was different, though. He didn't make smart plays every single time despite running a west coast offense. He was a risktaker... a gunslinger. In his prime, his quick passes were miles better than any of those QB's (and he still has a lot left in the tank). But it wasn't his arm that set him apart. It was his passion. You saw it last year. After every touchdown pass he threw, Favre would run around like a crazed child, lifting his receivers over his shoulders and having snow ball fights with them. The first Favre pass I watched was 10 years ago--he threw a literal bullet to Antonio Freeman. From that point on, I became a football fan. It was Brett Favre and the video game, NFL Blitz that got me into it all.
I don't think you'll ever see that kind of player in today's money-feeding NFL. Even while the best quarterbacks--Peyton Manning and Tom Brady aren't in it for the money, they just don't have the spirit and competitive fire that separated Favre and the rest.
The NFL will never be the same now that Brett's hung his helmet.
Goodbye #4. You'll always be missed.
Written on 12:59 AM by DRV
College has finally become routine for me. People who know me are aware of the fact that I'm not having that much fun, but rest assured--I've found a way to get over it.
I still don't see my real friends as much as I used to, but I've been trying to be as active in Akbayan as I can... as much as humanly possible. So far, I never missed a meeting--yeah, that's a given, and I've been coming out to the Social Nights which have been really fun.
It's PCN season now, and I'm taking more of a reduced role as I'm accustomed to. This year I'll only be taking part in the choir, but I plan on helping out with whatever committees need help. It's just that I'm not comfortable with the whole 10:00 thing, especially with the clash I got into with my parents a while back. Choir is really fun, and I'm really enjoying it even though I can't read music. The cool thing about Choir is that it's really early.
Academically, it's not so bad. It's funny, cuz I'm taking 18 units and I feel like I have more free time than I did when I had 13 last semester. Is it just because I'm used to it now?
Anyway, I'm getting tired of typing correctly and I have a Naruto review due in a few days. I'll get back to this.
Written on 2:02 PM by DRV
It's been a while since I've last blogged. I guess you can say I've been busy. Quite a bit has happened, but then again--almost nothing has changed.
I still have a curfew, so that's one thing that bothers me.
I drive more often, but I still don't have a car of my own.
I'm a full-fledged member of Akbayan, but I'm not sure I'm ready to get back into PCN mold.
I've visited Independence and know that the school has gotten worse since I left.
But yeah, I guess I'm supposed to talk about college.
On Mondays and Wednesdays, I only have MATH 8, which is College Algebra & Trigonometry. Easy class, right? Wrong. I consider myself okay at math, and considering this is a kind of low class, it should be easy, but it's not. I'm taking the route of blaming the teacher. But serious, the teacher sucks. Professor Malyshev has an accent that NOBODY can understand. The highest grade in this class is a B-. Enough said. I have a B- with the rest of the supposed smart people.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are slightly more interested with my two classes. I have MCOM 72 and ENGL 1A at 1:30 and 3:00 respectively. MCOM is a pretty damn intimidating class because the professor is a former broadcast great. He's a demanding individual who expects his students to be well-informed of current events. But it's hard. Really hard. English, I can safely say, is my easiest class. It's mostly grammar and writing, I'm fairly good at both.
And Friday... ugh, Friday. 3-hour Public Speaking course at 10:30. It's ridiculously boring, and I'm doing okay in that class. I have around an A-, and I know I can do much better, it's just that the coursework hardly interests me.
Now aside from the classes, the main reason why I'm bored is that I hardly see my friends. I know college is supposed to be about meeting new people with new experiences--but how the hell is that possible when you only see certain people in class? I've made one new friend--Lawrence. The only reason this is is because I have him for both my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If not for that common thread, we probably wouldn't talk to each other.
The main reason I chose San Jose State over schools like UOP and SF State was because most of my friends are there. If I knew I'd hardly see anybody, I would've moved! This whole meeting new people thing is stupid. I like meeting new people. I love meeting new people, but it's damn impossible. What am I supposed do? Randomly ask somebody walking around if they want to be my friend? I don't think it works that way.
I hope it eventually changes, especially after I become a full-fledged Akbayan intern. I know that I have myself to blame. I don't have a cell phone, so I guess that's my fault.
But yeah, college? Overrated. I'm doing well in my classes but hardly see people I call friends. *sigh*
- DRV
Written on 1:19 AM by DRV
There's nothing really new on my part. I've done pretty much nothing since the last entry. I got back to being more involved with working on my gaming journalist skills at Gamer 2.0. E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo, was last week, and Gamer 2.0 couldn't attend because we recently broke off from some network because they installed a new budget and decided not to pay our writers, when we're the reasons why a new audience started to tune in to their site. Oh well, doesn't matter. We've been checking site traffic, and our new site has been kicking ass as of late. Super sweet revenge.
For those of you who know of it, E3 was scaled back this year in order for it to be a much smaller media briefing. In previous years, especially over the Xbox, GameCube, PS2 generation, E3 has been a rather big event. It took place at the convention center located in Los Angeles and it's been a pretty huge spectacle, with booth babes and all sorts of shows happening at the floor. A friend of mine actually met former WWE Diva, Stacy Keibler, at E3. Pretty damn cool.
While I wasn't at this year's event, a lot of the game publishers, especially Indie publishers like Gamecock have said E3 is pretty much dead now. To be honest, I really don't care. Though my opinion hardly matters because I didn't go this year, it's kind of easy to see why this action was made. A lot of the things that go on at E3 don't even pertain to gaming. Seriously, why do wannabe DOA girls need to be there? Why should martial artists be having showcases there? None of the games are based on them. From the gaming journalist's point of view, E3 has always been a hectic event. Now it's been a little bit easier to manage.
Another reason why I don't really care about the differences is that the main reason I look forward to E3 is to watch the press conferences held by Sony, Nintendo, and Microsoft. All three of the press conferences pretty much look and sound they way they've always been. A lot of information was given, and that's what the true gamer expects from E3--announcements about how things are going with each developer. With Sony, there's a PS3 price cut and a slimmer PSP coming out. With Microsoft, the warranty on 360 has been extended and there'll be a limited edition Halo 360 coming out. With Nintendo, Wii Fit, Mario Kart Wii, and other games have been announced along with the fact that release dates for Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Super Mario Galaxy have surfaced. Good news for all fans of the three consoles.
With me... in the meantime, I'm still looking for a job. I never realized how hard looking for a simple, mainstream job could be. I was a well-paid intern at IBM last year and received no complaints about my performance and now I can't even get a simple corporation like Kohls or Target to give me a call back.
Maybe I'm doing my applications wrong.
Eh. We'll see. Let's hope things get better. Things have been hitting way too hard this summer. I can't do FYC, I can't folk dance, and I can't sleep in. Some good has to come around sometime...
- DRV
Written on 12:38 AM by DRV
Today was the first Friday in months in which I stayed home and didn't do anything outside of the house. So, in respect, I was so bored that I had my second Fantasy Football draft today. Yeah, it's June, but I still take these things seriously.
I'm one of those people who steadily believes in ALWAYS taking a Running Back first and second. Sadly, that didn't happen tonight. That's honestly the first time it happened. I was in a 12-team draft a while ago, and here's my first 6 picks.
Round 1 -- Shaun Alexander
Round 2 -- Steve Smith
Round 3 -- Torry Holt
Round 4 -- Andre Johnson
Round 5 -- Santana Moss
Round 6 -- Fred Taylor
That'll probably really end up to bite me in the ass. But look at the bright side... I'm set at WR. I pretty much went the approach of taking "The Best Player Available." Maybe a trade will come up where I can land another #1 RB.
Since this blog will be devoted to Fantasy Football, allow me to unveil the best 5 fantasy players at every position. Again, this is simply my opinion, but I'll provide reasons as I go on. I'll also add sleepers to the end of the post.
TOP FIVE FANTASY QUARTERBACKS
1. Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts
Manning is the best QB in the NFL, and has always been the most productive quarterback for years. His ability is never questioned, as evidenced by his record-shattering 49 TD's a few years ago. He has the services of Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, and newly drafted first round pick--Anthony Gonzalez. He's the only QB to even warrant a first round pick, but if you pick Manning, you risk your shot at the elite RB's.
2. Carson Palmer, Cincinnati Bengals
Palmer has a rocket arm and strong supporting cast with Chad Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and Chris Henry as his targets along with a strong backfield consisting of Rudi Johnson and Kenny Irons. His numbers should be up this season as he has no injuries to worry about.
3. Tom Brady, New England Patriots
Tom Brady went through some pains last season with a depleted WR corps as he lost both Deion Branch, David Givens, and Bethel Johnson last season. However, he proved he was a fine QB by making guys like Reche Caldwell and Jabbar Gaffney produce greatly at the later part of the season. Now, not only does he have those two wideouts back, but they'll have a depleted role as New England has made a splash taking receivers Wes Welker, Donte' Stallworth, and troubled receiver Randy Moss. Not that Brady has top notch weapons, it just might be enough to make another strong push for his 4th ring.
4. Donovan McNabb, Philadelphia Eagles
McNabb actually put up 200 points last season in only 8 weeks before getting hurt. 200 points is actually more than a third of what the other QB's put up last season, so enough said about that. Also, since the Eagles drafted Kevin Kolb with a 2nd round pick this year, it shows that they're tired of McNabb being hurt. Look for McNabb to play hard this season all year, especially with new WR Joe Horn from the Saints.
5. Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints
Brees is a very inspiring success story. He's become one of the most accurate and productive quarterbacks in the league this couple years, and he'll only get better. Marques Colston and Reggie Bush are a year older, and Devery Henderson is starting to come to his own. Add first round WR Robert Meachem providing some help and Brees is gonna continue to look good.
TOP FIVE FANTASY RUNNING BACKS
1. LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego Chargers
This does not even need to be explained. Last year he was rated 2nd, and he proves all the professionals wrong. Never put LT passed #1. Never. He already has Hall of Fame written on him.
2. Steven Jackson, St. Louis Rams
Steven Jackson is set to produce more this year as Linehan wants to continue to pound the ball. Jackson has gotten faster and stronger, and he's actually become a receiver in the backfield in recent years. He looks a lot like Edgerrin James in his prime, and it wouldn't surprise me if Jackson ran for 1800 this year. Look out for Jackson.
3. Larry Johnson, Kansas City Chiefs
Larry Johnson is a workhouse RB whose stock falls because his offensive line is slowly being depleted of talent. But that doesn't take any talent away from the hardnosed Larry Johnson. The problem is that he's threatening for a new contract, but don't let that stop you from taking him.
4. Shaun Alexander, Seattle Seahawks
Shaun Alexander fell victim to the Madden curse last season getting injured, but when he came back, he bounced back in a good way. Look for Alexander to put up numbers expected out of Alexander the Great this season, especially with the loss of Darrell Jackson--Holmgren might seemed poised to run the ball a lot more.
5. Brian Westbrook, Philadelphia Eagles
Yes, it is true, I have a mancrush on Brian Westbrook, but the fact remains that he's a very sturdy project. I pick him and he always produces. Why? The man can catch. A catch is a point in most leagues, not only that--but he can return kicks too. Brian Westbrook is the Boobie Miles of Fantasy Football, and he's definitely a top five...especially considering he's the centerpiece of the Eagles' offense.
TOP FIVE FANTASY WIDE RECEIVERS
1. Chad Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals
"Ocho Cinco" he calls himself. I don't know why. Ocho cinco is eight-five, not 85. But whatever. The guy has T.O.'s body type, and he's probably just a bit faster. After all, he raced a horse and won. But this guy is Palmer's main target, and he is a TD MACHINE. This guy has a nose for the endzone, and if there's ever a game where the Bengals make the highlight reel... it's usually preceded by Ocho's crazy out takes.
2. Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers
At 5'9" Steve Smith is actually one of the strongest WR's in the league. Seriously, it's not really his speed that makes him hard to stop, because he really isn't the fast. This guy is just always open and is a fantastic route runner. That's why he's on the highlight reel all the time. He's actually Delhomme's only target.
3. Marvin Harrison, Indianapolis Colts
Route-running is the true key to all-time success, and nobody runs them better than good ol' Marvin. He's Manning's unquestioned favorite receiver, and don't even mention his age. He's an ageless wonder. 10 touchdowns. Guaranteed.
4. Torry Holt, St. Louis Rams
Holt is another great route-runner, and he's deceptively fast which allows him to easily get open. He's Bulger's unquestioned number one, and he probably has the best hands on this list. Harrison might have better hands though. Either way, it's consistency. There's never been a season in which Holt has received for less than 1300 yards.
5. Terrell Owens, Dallas Cowboys
Yes, he's an asshole. Yes, he always wants the ball. Yes, he's stupid. But he's good. He'll drop balls, but there's no penalty in the fantasy world for that. He actually scored the most TD's last year. Enough said.
TOP FIVE FANTASY TIGHT ENDS
1. Antonio Gates, San Diego Chargers
Other than LT, who are the Super Chargers known for? This guy.
2. Alge Crumpler, Atlanta Falcons
Let's be honest. Michael Vick sucks. He has no receivers, but he has Alge Crumpler. Crumpler makes Vick minorly better, but he's also their main source of points.
3. Tony Gonzalez, Kansas City Chiefs
Gonzalez is someone who many still believe is the best. But he's old now, and the Chiefs wanna get younger. Either way, he and Shannon Sharpe revolutionized the position, and he's a guaranteed 7 TD's.
4. Jeremy Shockey, New York Giants
Jeremy Shockey is extremely tough and he's all about football. Sure, he's become a celebrity, but there's no questioning his talent. The problem is that he's underutilized, but with the absense of Tiki Barber, Shockey should see more balls come his way.
5. Todd Heap, Baltimore Ravens
Heap's been a letdown the passed few seasons but seemed to pick it back up along with Mark Clayton at the near end of the regular season. Expect he and McNair to have a better throw and catch relationship.
TOP FIVE FANTASY KICKERS
1. Adam Vinatieri, New England Patriots
He disappointed last year. But that's not fair--he wasn't on the field. This is still the same guy who kicked 50 yard field goals in blizzards. Where's he playing now? A dome that houses the best offense in the NFL. He'll get you points, easily.
2. Jeff Wilkins, St. Louis Rams
Jeff Wilkins is an accurate kicker who kicks in a dome with one of the best offenses in the NFL. He also was one of the top five productive kickers last season. Good track record.
3. David Akers, Philadelphia Eagles
David Akers was injured too last year, but now that he's not, he's still one of the best in the league. If McNabb gets injured again, their offense should at least be good enough to get within Akers' range.
4. Robbie Gould, Chicago Bears
The Bears showed sparks on offense last season but had trouble in the red zone. That's good for kickers.
5. Shayne Graham, Cincinnati Bengals
Shayne Graham is just as productive as his offense. That's all you need to make the list. You have to kick a lot, and you can't suck.
TOP FIVE FANTASY DEFENSES
1. Baltimore Ravens
Their young talent has just become more experienced. They lost Adalius Thomas, but that gives Bart Scott and Dan Cody bigger roles.
2. Chicago Bears
"Da Bears" are actually the best defense in football, but they're going through a key loss once they get rid of Lance Briggs. They key to this defense being good is keeping Brian Urlacher and Mike Brown healthy. They are the souls of this defense. They also have the best defensive line in the league who always pressure the QB with Adewale Ogunleye, Tommie Harrison, Dusty Dvoracek, and Alex Brown leading that four-man front. The loss of Tank Johnson shouldn't hurt that much.
3. New England Patriots
New England added the best overall free agent with Adalius Thomas. That gives them a lot of depth to a linebacking corp that includes Tedy Bruschi, Mike Vrabel, Rosevelt Colvin, Junior Seau, and Chad Brown. Rodney Harrison and Richard Seymour are healthy, so that should give their defense another push.
4. San Diego Chargers
Nobody knew it, but they had one of the top defenses last season. There's a lot of young talent who are continuing to get experience, including former defensive rookie of the year Shawne Merriman.
5. Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins lose games because their offense can't score. That's their problem. They showed some sparks with Joey Harrington and not Daunte Culpepper, that's somewhat ironic. But this is about defense, and this group continues to grow and play well in a tough division.
THE SLEEPERS
Not too many people pay attention to these guys, but if there's nobody else and the time is right... grab them.
QB - Jon Kitna, Detroit Lions
He's talking smack saying the Lions are gonna win more than ten games this year, and that means he has some confidence in his group. Nobody realizes that he finished in the top 5 in passing yards last year thanks to Martz's system. And now with Georgia Tech WR Calvin Johnson, Kitna might be in some for some HUGE numbers.
RB - Travis Henry, Denver Broncos
He's lost respect because of his feud with Buffalo after Willis McGahee won the starting job. He didn't do all that well in Tennessee, but he definitely picked it up last season. Now he's in Denver. For the first time in years, Denver has a GOOD RB. Denver can make any RB look good, but they just might make Henry look like a hall of famer.
WR - D.J. Hackett, Seattle Seahawks
With the loss of Darrell Jackson, and the older Bobby Engram gets, Hasselbeck is gonna have trouble finding a favorite receiver. Deion Branch is great, but I'm not so sure about Nate Burleson, and he isn't worth his money. However, Hackett has shown some signs of grown last season, and he looks like a true starter. He just might breakout next season.
TE - Eric Johnson, New Orleans Saints
Johnson couldn't have landed in a better place. At once, back when the Niners sucked, Johnson was actually the top receiver in the NFL in terms of yards back when Rattay was still QB. He has some durability issues, but Brees LOVES throwing the ball to the tight end. Keep that in mind.
I'll post another thread with my teams on them, but that's it for now. Mind you, every year I host a Yahoo! Fantasy Football League that consists of 20 teams. If you want in, tell me as soon as possible so I can get you the signup information.
Written on 10:43 PM by DRV
I know I promised that this blog would be about gaming, but I can't help it. I really was looking to do a huge editorial on it too, but I can't... because of my really fucked up life.
I didn't want this blog to turn into a place to vent out with my fake use of emo-ness, but this is just going to have to be the case... just once. Everyone knows about the stereotypical, overprotective, and strict Asian parents. You see, with Filipinos--it's sorta different, but again, sorta similar. With Filipino parents, they're either extremely strict or their incredibly loose. It's NEVER in the middle. Ask any Filipino. Their parents either don't give a shit about what they do, or they're never outside of their house.
For the latter part of my life, they've been strict, but it's gotten different beginning with my Junior year of high school, when I joined Mabuhay. Thanks to Mabuhay and other extracurricular programs, I've become more of an outsider. I've become more social. But now that I'm out of high school, my parents were wondering why the hell I was still doing Mabuhay activities.
Yesterday, when I got out of the shower, my father immediately called me down. This was the conversation.
"Let me talk to you for a minute." (Note--whenever a parent says that, he/she really means yell or nag.)
"Sure dad."
"Do you still wanna go to school?"
"Yes."
"Then what are you doing?"
"What?"
"Why are you still going to those program?!"
"Huh?"
"That dancing dancing. Do you really need that?"
"It's not dancing I've been doing. It's community service."
"Do you even need that?"
"Of course."
"I thought you graduated already!"
"Yeah."
"You don't need that then!"
"*sigh*"
"What?"
"It'll help me for college."
"Help you how?"
"Leadership."
"That's bullshit."
"What?"
"You think if you're ever in trouble--they'll help you? Of course not, it's all bullshit! Don't go to those program anymore!"
"Why? What am I gonna do then?"
"You look for a job!"
"You haven't been looking for a job, all you've been doing is dancing with those people."
"I have been looking for a job."
"You stay home then!"
"What am I gonna do at home?"
"It's vacation. Take a rest!"
"Take a rest? That's why I've been sleeping until noon every day!"
"You don't need those stupid program. They're just manipulating you. They don't even pay you. They just give you awards. That's nothing! Those are bullshit!"
"Whatever. You always yell at me for the same stuff all the time."
"If you think you're smarter than me, you get out! We don't need you here. God damn it."
Whatever. So what happened to me that day? I listened of course. I stayed home. Instead of being trained for my FYC Internship, I MySpaced. What the fuck. I am just not happy right now. Today, I missed the start of FYC Summer Program. Tomorrow, I'm gonna miss Honors Night--where I finally get recognized for my accomplishments. Why? All this time, I thought my parents were proud that I've started to become so in touch with my culture... my people. Now, my dad says I'm being "manipulated."
I don't know what to do. What can I possibly do now? They just find new ways to hurt me. I'm 18 and I've known how my parents were for all these years. I was happy for the last two years of my life, and now I'm back to this ... undefined shell of mistreatment. I don't know anymore. I don't think I can last another day in this hellhole. I can only handle so much. But I just can't up and leave... even though I am a legal adult.
But I'm not talking to my father either. He's the reason why I'm so unhappy, and he doesn't understand shit to begin with. Then if someone else talks to him, they fall under his tight gripping mouth.
The programs I'm a part of were a big part of my life. I mean, look at my last entry... it's all about my newfound passion of Sayaw. I had goals. I wanted to find ways to become noticed and show my skill to professional dance companies in the hopes of being recruited. Now I'm banned from all things Filipino.
Damn it all. They're racist to everybody... even themselves. It's times like these where I wish I was fucking white.
