Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice...
Written on 11:40 PM by DRV
BLOGGER'S DISCLAIMER
You might remember back to when the summer just started. I was quite rebellious and furious at my dad because of the way he viewed Mabuhay. "You're just wasting your time, dancing and dancing," he said. I still feel badly. Mabuhay was much more than just dancing. It was my outlet. It was my home away from home. I still consider it my home away from home. Well, that's probably Akbayan now, but still.
We're passed that now. My dad seems to have found his comfort zone with me. We don't seem to be having any problems. He has his job, and I come home before he comes home. It's all good. But I look at the way things currently are in my life and with my friends, and my mind is tired of being here.
One of the key reasons I chose to go to San Jose State was because Santa Clara University rejected me. But looking back, I didn't apply to any UC's. Why? Because I'm not into lecture halls with over 200 students in the classroom. I still am not into those, but I'd much rather be away from home than being where I currently am.
I don't think I'm the only one either. I look at my best friend. He was the President of Mabuhay, so naturally, you'd assume that he joined Akbayan with me, right? Nope, he didn't. Instead, he's a pre-nursing major. As you'd expect, he's one of those people majoring in a subject he really does not want to major in. The guy is artistic, but he's letting his parents dictate what he will be doing in the future. On top of that, he chose SJSU when there were plenty of other schools to go to. Like me, he didn't apply to any UC's either.
Then there's his girlfriend, who is just as smart as he is. Same major. Same school. She was the secretary of Mabuhay, and the best dancer. This girl had the grades to go to any school she applied to, but she chose San Jose State because that's where her mother wanted her to go. She wanted her to stay home. And that's exactly what she does. I don't even hang out with her anymore, because she's not allowed to leave the house. Come on. She's 18. She actually has a CAR--something even I don't have, despite having my license for almost four years now.
I also look at my neighbor who is still attending high school as a junior. She's extremely stressed out because she doesn't think she'll make into Berkeley... or UCLA... or Stanford. Some dream school that her parents expect her to get into. She wants to be like two of my other friends who got into Berkeley and UCLA. But they had a lot of extracurriculars. My neighbor just has church and a year on the cabinet of Mabuhay. But now she's MIA in that club because her dad doesn't support it.
So there's my dad, who hated everything about Mabuhay.
There's my best friend's mom, who won't let his son join Akbayan.
There's my best friend's girlfriend, who isn't allowed to do anything.
There's my neighbor, stressing to fulfill her parents' wishes, and when she does--she'll leave San Jose, and perhaps enjoy what the lack of parents have to offer her.
I went to San Jose State because all my friends go there. But looking at who my friends are today, I probably shouldn't have made this decision. These people are taking a minimum amount of units, and even with that extremely easy and manageable load--they stay home. Why? Their parents. I stayed here because of my parents too.
Eventually everybody has to let go. If our parents want us to succeed, they'll have to let us go. They look down on us because we disappoint them in every way possible. But even through disappointment, they keep us here to suffer.
This is something I seek to understand, but I don't think I ever will.
- DRV
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